


A Birthday for Qui-Gon | Force World Days

by CleverUsernameHere (AshtynJones)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Birthday Party, Pseudo-Screenplay, Star Wars - Freeform, hello there, sand
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 06:55:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29256300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshtynJones/pseuds/CleverUsernameHere
Summary: Obi-Wan wants Qui-Gon's birthday to be a great day, but an old foe interferes.





	A Birthday for Qui-Gon | Force World Days

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first of a kind of parody of Star Wars, written in a kind of pseudo-screenplay style.

QUI-GON’S birthday is coming up. His former apprentice, OBI-WAN wants to get him the perfect gift. The former padawan believes he can find something at YODA’S pawnshop.

OBI-WAN  
(Enters shop)  
Hello there.

YODA  
(Behind counter)  
Overused, that catchphrase is.

OBI-WAN  
(Not amused)  
Underused, I believe. Master Yoda, I am looking for a birthday gift for Qui-Gon. Do you have any ideas?

YODA  
Yes. Many ideas. Good ideas. This mug that says “Galaxy’s Best Master,” you should give him.

OBI-WAN  
I’m afraid a separate holiday special had a mug as a focal point. What else do you have?

YODA  
A surprise party, you should throw him. I will help plan, if invited I am.

OBI-WAN  
Excellent, Master Yoda. I will start shopping for supplies. I don’t think I will find those in this pawnshop.

YODA  
Right, you are. Bad for business, it is.

OBI-WAN leaves and goes to a nearby Party City outlet, the manager being MACE WINDU.

OBI-WAN  
Hello there.

MACE  
General Kenobi! You are a kind one. Word travels quickly through these parts. Hear you’re throwin’ Qui-Gon a surprise birthday party.

OBI-WAN  
That I am, Master. Do you have any good theme ideas?

MACE  
(Holding up a plush giraffe)  
How about a safari? On the planet earth?

OBI-WAN  
I’m not sure that’s quite what I’m looking for.

MACE  
Well, if you were Qui-Gon what kind of party would you want?

OBI-WAN thinks for a moment.

OBI-WAN and MACE  
A Tatooine themed party!

OBI-WAN  
Of course!

MACE  
He has talked a lot about wanting to go back.

OBI-WAN  
Got any sand?

MACE  
Plenty of it. But for this party, you’ll need a lot. Can anyone help you move it?

OBI-WAN montages, asking other Jedi to help him move the sand.

OBI-WAN  
Can you help me move some sand?

AHSOKA  
No.

OBI-WAN  
Can you help me move sand for Qui-Gon’s birthday party?

LUKE  
Sorry. I’m busy.

OBI-WAN  
Help? Sand? 

LEIA  
Get Dad to help.

OBI-WAN  
(Approaching nervously)  
Anakin! Buddy! How have you been?

ANAKIN  
No, I won’t help you move sand.

OBI-WAN  
Wait, what? How did you know I was going to ask you that?

ANAKIN  
Word travels fast. Besides, I don’t like sand. It’s coarse, and rough, and--

OBI-WAN  
(Interrupting)  
Irritating, and it gets everywhere, we know. The sand’s in sacks, so…

ANAKIN  
Fine, I’ll help. But only if I get a good seat when Qui-Gon opens his presents.

Later on, the party is in full swing. All the Jedi are there. OBI-WAN goes back to the kitchen to bring out the cake.

OBI-WAN  
Um, Anakin? Get in here!

ANAKIN rushes in.

ANAKIN  
What is it, Master?

OBI-WAN  
There is no cake.

ANAKIN  
I heard Qui-Gon might invite Cole.

OBI-WAN  
Cole? What are you talking about?

ANAKIN  
Ninjago series? Crossover episode? I don’t remember ever seeing Cole come.

OBI-WAN  
It couldn’t have just gotten up and walked away.

Across the netherworld, PALPATINE sits in his favorite armchair, using the Force to bring the cake across the land to him.

PALPATINE  
Have you ever heard of the tragedy of Qui-Gon’s birthday party?

ANAKIN  
Do you feel that? A disturbance in the Force.

OBI-WAN  
It’s coming from Palpatine’s place.

OBI-WAN and ANAKIN confront PALPATINE at his house.

PALPATINE  
So, I suppose my two favorite Jedi are wondering what this cake is doing at my house.

OBI-WAN  
Yes. Yes, we are.

PALPATINE  
(Sighs)  
I wasn’t invited to the party. Everyone else was. Even Maul.

ANAKIN  
I saw him there. He was funny. Not half the Zabrak he used to be.

OBI-WAN  
Don’t reference Clutch Powers right now, Anakin. Palpatine, go on.

PALPATINE  
I just wanted a slice of cake. I was going to Force-send it back when I was done, really I was. I just wanted to be included. We’re still enemies, but it would’ve been nice to be invited.

OBI-WAN and ANAKIN share a sympathetic glance.

ANAKIN  
Well, see ya, Palpatine! Wouldn’t wanna be ya.

OBI-WAN  
Why don’t you come back with us, Palps? 

PALPATINE  
You mean it? You really mean it?

OBI-WAN  
Of course! We should hurry back. This is a party we can’t afford to lose.

Meanwhile, the partygoers are playing Pin the Tail on the Donkey. QUI-GON is blindfolded and making his way to the wall.

MAUL  
You couldn’t pin the tail on the broad side of a Bantha!

LUMINARA  
Quiet! Let him focus.

QUI-GON pins the tail close to its mark as OBI-WAN, ANAKIN, and PALPATINE walk in with the cake.

PALPATINE  
Happy birthday, Qui-Gon!

QUI-GON  
Palpatine! Good to see you. 

PALPATINE  
Thank you for having me, everyJedi. I suppose there might be a lesson in all this, huh?

ANAKIN  
Yeah. Invite angry people to birthday parties or they take the cake. Literally.

Everyone at the party shares a hearty, cheesy laugh at ANAKIN’S pun as the episode comes to its close.


End file.
